If You Love Them, Let Them Go

I’ve been staring at my laptop for 20 minutes now and I have so much I want to say but don’t know how to. This post should have been about my day out to Glasgow Green to see the fireworks on the 4th (Yes 4th. It got changed due to the football on the 5th). I planned to make a video of a list of things that make me happy. I planned to post an article about the best doggy Christmas presents of 2015. I planned to do so much.

However, my mum woke me up yesterday morning to tell me my dog has had a stroke. As soon as I got downstairs he wasn’t the same dog I was out running with the day before. His full left side was dead, he couldn’t walk without falling over, he was drooling, being sick. We got him to the vet and he was confirmed that he had a stroke. He got several injections to help with stop nausea.

When we got home, he wouldn’t settle, he was agitated and just simply looked lost. My brother came round last night with his friend who is a vet and she gave a second opinion and we discussed what we should do. A 13-year-old dog who’s just had a stroke just became increasingly agitated and unable to walk, go to the toilet, eat and struggling to drink. Was this really the same dog that I played hide and seek with only a day ago? For the last night, we just lay on the couch and had a cuddle. The moment of realisation kicked in when I put out some ice cream for us, it’s his favourite! Usually I would sit on the floor next to him and we’d eat ice cream together but last night he never ate it for the first time ever. It wouldn’t feel right without eating ice cream with him.

One hour ago, exactly. Sam Carrington went to sleep and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to witness. We got him when he was 1 from Cardonald Cat & Dog Home and for the next 12 years he wasn’t just a pet. He was a brother and a best friend. From the first night, he slept in my bed and he would sleep with me every night unless I wasn’t home and he would sleep in my mum’s bed. If I felt I couldn’t turn to anyone, he was always there. The worst thing is when I need him most of all, he isn’t here.

The thing is how suddenly it’s happened. 2 days ago he was running about and chasing pigeons, I was looking at presents for his Christmas. Instead, I’m spending money that should be for a new collar, bed and toys is now in fact used to put him to sleep and pay for his funeral.

The funny thing is I keep expecting to look behind me on my bed and see him with his head on my pillow, snoring his head off.

If you get a pet for Christmas, love it and cherish it and make the most of every single second. It just feels like the other day I saw him for the first time in that kennel and I just knew that he was the one.

I’ve been to a few funerals, mainly distant relatives and I can generally keep my emotions together but watching someone you’ve grown with, shared a bed with and simply been a constant in a bizarre, unpredictable and often cruel world simply slip away, while trying to remain strong for my mum is the hardest thing I’ve had to do.

Samuel Carrington, it has been a great 12 years from chasing cows in a field, swimming in a lake to the simply mundane things in life such as having a cuddle on the couch, sitting on the floor eating ice cream and just chilling out sharing a cheese toastie.

Looking back now, we never got as many pictures as we should have but the memories will always remain.

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2 Comments

  1. So sorry for your loss. It’s beyond heartbreaking when it’s time to say goodbye, but you did what was best for Samuel. Well done for writing about it and may your wonderful memories together keep him with you forever.

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