Week 12 2016: The Week of Progression, Reflection and The Taboo of Mental Illness

After a rubbish week I now feel so much better. I received a conditional offer for University, I got paid and I submitted a massive part of my coursework. I feel a lot more relaxed and in a much better headspace than I was last week.

The past couple of weeks has led me to reach crazy levels of stress, the fear of not knowing what my future held is a scary moment but, at least, I have that security blanket and now I feel so much better and relaxed. Now it looks as if I’m heading off to Edinburgh to attend Napier university for 3rd year Marketing with Digital Media and I could not be happier!

After blowing a lot of my wages on a string of expensive first dates, I am still majorly unsuccessful in love. 0/3 successes this month so now I have decided I might give Tinder a try – if you see me swipe right, thanks.

Even though I’ve submitted a major part of my coursework I feel a lot more relaxed considering studying takes up 99% of my time (this statistic is not 100% accurate) I am excited for the much-needed Easter Holidays. It feels like the full year has mentally drained me going into the final block, I’m finding it hard to muster up the energy to finish off this final lap.

Also this week, it has been one full year since my friend Chris Hardman aka Lil Chris sadly passed away. I first met Chris in 2012 and we remained in contact over the following years, whether it was via a friendly Facebook message or we saw each other at various events. He openly spoke of his struggles with depression and never shied away from it but the one thing I can say about him is that he was a true gent and he truly had a beautiful soul.

 

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It seems fitting that I post a picture of the first time we met. (Samsung picture quality suck)

 

I believe that the subject of “mental illness” is still quite the taboo due to it not being a physical illness. If someone has depression, people may play it off as someone “having a bad few days”. When my brother was growing up we often thought he was “just erratic” or “quirky”but only a few years ago at the age of 22 he got diagnosed with Bipolar. It was only after that diagnosis that everything started to make sense. There would be times where he was the life and soul of the party and then there would be other times he would become a recluse. He tends to go through intense phases, the first one I recognised was his guitar playing, where he would play for hours and hours and nothing would stop him, then his gym phase along with several others.

It is hard to know what kind of person I will be meeting with my brother, most of the times he’s great but he can say stuff that isn’t exactly “socially correct”. I’m one of those yo-yo dieters, one month I’ll  be fit and looking good and the next month I’ll balloon up by 2 stone (slight exaggeration). However, pointing out that I had put on weight and poking my stomach in the middle of having a family lunch, allowing me and my mum to pay for the full lunch without even offering to chip in and various other controversial statements. Whereas the week before he was almost like a completely different person. It can be hard at times but he is my brother and I love him.

Jay Carrington

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